Still Not My Business…

I know who I am.  Every now and then I experience moments when the connection to my inner and Knowing Self is not flowing at optimum capacity.  I always picture the bar graph on the computer screen that indicates signal strength in the internet connection.  I can feel when mine is weak.

Over the years I’ve discovered various methods to increase the signal strength between my physical being and spiritual self.  I’m like the ’service technician witch’ when it comes to my own repair work.  Any methods I choose to restore the strength of my connection will require that I first determine any possible cause of the disruption between Earth Me and All-Knowing Me.  Most often the culprit is my ingrained tendency to absorb the influence of other beings.  Whether I think their perceptions of me are beneficial or detrimental is never the issue.  Old wiring is extensive within in me because it’s part of who I am.

I was raised in a large family during a time when there was a lot of emphasis placed on outward appearances.  Character presentation to neighbors, fellow church members, and the rest of the population in general was valued.  Imperfections were routinely dismissed and buried.  It was always more important to appear perfect to the rest of the world than to address any improprieties or flaws that may surface behind closed doors.

It’s understandable how many of us developed inner circuitry that indulges the opinions of others.  Most of us relinquished our power to access our All-Knowing source within and programmed our mainframe to receive the input of others over our own instincts.  We acted the way that we thought people wanted us to act.

I don’t blame my parents for this faulty wiring.  It’s just the way things were.  I honor my mom and dad.  They are first-generation Americans who were raised during The Great Depression, lived and served during World War II, and worked diligently to provide us with a more substantial childhood than they experienced.  Dad worked twenty-four hours a day building a landscaping business while Mom stayed home and raised six kids without the benefit of unlimited internet access and reality television programs that showcase large family dynamics.  With only a network of like-minded friends, Dr. Benjamin Spock, and her own instincts to guide her, my mother has my utmost respect.  Besides, there comes a time when we all must take responsibility for our own lives.  Blaming our parents can keep us in an unproductive cycle that hinders any efforts to succeed in our desire to venture forth.

I have four sisters.  In an attempt to repair and replace some of the faulty wiring we had acquired throughout our childhood, one sister (the first-born) had become attracted to the incites she read in a book written by Melody Beattie that is entitled “Codependent No More.”  The book had provided her with so much direction in regards to her relationship with her alcohol-addicted husband that she felt compelled to buy copies for all of us.  She was impassioned with the promise of recovery and wanted to share her discoveries with the rest of us.  She particularly hoped to enlighten sister #2, who’s marriage and similar circumstances bore an obvious resemblance to her own.

I’m relaying this specific incident to illustrate our family’s ingrained tendency to prioritize the opinions of others over our own judgment and self-reflective capabilities.  Sister #2 told me this, “Well, I read the book.  And I don’t think that I am codependent.”  Without much pause she added, “Am I?”

I was quite unable to formulate any immediate response to her question.  I was busy admiring the gigantic light bulb that had just materialized to hover over my head.  I’m certain that sister #2 didn’t recognize the presence of any light bulb when I managed to ask her why in the hell she was asking ME.  As sister #1 would remind me, “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.”  And denial is a river in Egypt.

Without a clear understanding of how you may have been programmed, it’s difficult to make the appropriate adjustments when you desire change.  I still absorb too much of other beings’ energy, both wanted and unwanted.  That’s simply due to the fact that I’ve spent more years on the planet as a people-pleasing approval-seeker than I’ve spent relying on my own inner guidance and counsel.  It’s only a matter of time before the rewiring and new circuits I’ve created to connect with my Knowing Self overpower the old habits of allowing others’ opinions to interfere.

Every time that I feel the signal to my inner guidance weakening, I take a moment to readjust the power flow within me by employing one simple method.  I ask myself if what I’m feeling ‘belongs’ to me.  If I am anxious, worried, or preoccupied with unsettling concerns, I find it helpful to take a look at these feelings and make a decision as to whether or not they are actually my property, or did I take them in from someone else?  And if I did, it’s up to me to determine whether or not I want to take ownership.  Once I consciously choose which concerns don’t belong to me, the current of power leading to my Knowing Self increases in strength almost immediately.

The job of service technician witch requires personal commitment and training, but the benefits are outstanding.  And who is better at deciding what’s best for you, than you?

Tags: codependency, Dr. Benjamin Spock, family dynamics, Melody Beattie