Archive for February, 2010

Why Can’t They Get Girlfriends?

Natalie Ellen Bean has a few theories of her own.  On our daily trips home from school, she can offer some pretty interesting perspectives on teenage behavior.  (That is, when she’s in the mood to talk.)  I think it’s been at least one hundred years since I’ve been in high school, so I thought it would be intriguing if she shared a few of her observations with the rest of us.  After all, she is a good little witch:)

Hi!  I’m Natalie.  While mom’s working on her next post, I told her that I would be happy to write an article.  I’m fifteen, I’m home watching Olympic hockey with my dad on a Friday night, and I’m writing an article on my mom’s website….don’t judge me:-)

I just have to talk to the “nice guys” out there who might read mom’s blog.  I have a theory that there are ultimately two types of young men on earth.  Maybe they’re like this when they’re grown-up, too, but at my age, I know that I have come in contact with both types so far.

Young men in the first group are known as the “Nice Guys.” These guys usually fall into a sub-category of “just a friend.”  Most of the time these are the boys we meet in elementary school and grow up with.  They help us through thick and thin, we can turn to them for anything, but we always think of them as “just a friend.”

The “Nice Guy” group also includes the really nice boy that we meet at our new school.  He is someone to laugh with, hang out with, and the one who “has our back” even when we don’t realize that our back needs protection.  But alas, we girls still think of him as “just a friend.”

The second group of young men are widely known as the “Real Jerks.”  These are the guys who play the “Nice Guy” role so well that they end up breaking our heart.  Either they tell us that we mean everything to them, and end up telling the same thing to three other girls behind our back, or they lead us through a long relationship and end it painfully with some ridiculous excuse.

So, girls like me can look at both of these groups and easily decide which group describes the type of young man that we want to date.  It’s obvious that we should choose the Nice Guys, right?  So why do we all get drawn into the gravitational pull of the Real Jerks?!?….I don’t understand it yet.  I’m only fifteen, and yet I admit that I have been acquainted with a lot more jerks than nice guys during my first two years of high school.  Girls my age are constantly finding themselves falling head over heels for these bad boys (who often masquerade as good guys for awhile to suck us in), while the real “Nice Guys” are standing by, patiently awaiting their turn.

WHY?!?  Why are the nice guys forced to wait around and watch us fall in love with all of the jerks?  There may be a reason for this.  It’s because the good guys ARE so nice, that we tend to push them into “the friend zone.”

They aren’t stupid.  They are well aware that we put them there, but they don’t know how to escape our friend zone without harming our friendship.  It’s not like we put them safely in the friend zone on purpose, we just had no idea that they liked us “that way.”  Because they’re so nice, we have no clue that they have romantic motives.  They don’t say anything and they don’t express their romantic interest in us, because being forward (like a bad boy) is beneath them.  So, while we are busy drooling over these jerks, our poor nice guys are in the friend zone, quietly standing by.  After all, they want us to be happy.

I have a message that I would like to share with all of the “Nice Guys.”  You are just going to have to wait it out.  I’m so sorry.  Believe me when I tell you that this cycle that I have just described is not going to end.  (At least not anytime soon, while we are still young.)  The truth is, you “Nice Guys” will always win in the end.  Whether it’s that girl that you have been friends with since preschool, or the girl that you just met at college…you will get your chance.

First, we have to date all of the douche bags before we will finally realize that you are the ones that we have been waiting for.  It’s a sucky cycle, I know.  But we girls will get through it eventually, and learn how to improve ourselves after we make stupid choices.  So that by the time we do “see” you, we will gladly take you right out of the friend zone, and you will mean more to us than any jerk would ever have a chance to.

No matter how much you guys tell us that the guy we are dating is not the right one, or that we should be treated better, this is just something that we have to figure out on our own.  Once we do that, we will be able to realize that you guys told us all of that because you were the ones that really cared.

Thanks for listening.  This has been a guest article from Natalie Bean.  I would just like to tell all of the “Nice Guys” to never surrender, never give up.

A Weighted Matter (part 1)

Balance is the key.  At least, that was the expressed goal of ‘healthy living’ that seemed most prevalent to me while I was earning my undergraduate degree in psychology.  As I pursued an ongoing interest in human behavior and psychology well after my formal education, the theory on ‘balance’ continued to be the common thread presented throughout many schools of thought regarding self-improvement.

I understood the importance of balancing my diet, balancing my career with my family, balancing my checkbook, balancing my mind, balancing my body, balancing my hormones, balancing my work with my play, balancing the spoils with the rewards, and balancing my personal time with my social time.  Balance, balance, balance.

It would seem that under normal circumstances, achieving balance is the widely accepted ambition of those who wish to lead a happy and healthy life.  Then I remembered that I am not normal.

I would agree that finding a balance between opposing forces is a reasonable solution to obtain a sense of stability.  And yet, why be reasonable when you have the option of choosing a preference?

Consider for a moment, the unlimited supply of potential human experiences that are available to each and every one of us.  For every single experience that we could possibly imagine, there exists a complete and perfect opposite.  Even on the most basic level, the concept of something that is “small” cannot be fully realized without having some understanding of what is “big.”  A notion of being “thin” cannot be fully conceptualized without having formulated some perception of what “overweight” is.  This is a pretty straightforward description of our mind’s ability to understand the varying levels in which we perceive our experiences.

As rich is to poor, healthy is to sick, fear is to courage, and joy is to sorrow, there are at least a billion other possible experiences that are available in which we can discern a level of contrast.  Without the property of this exact polarity for each and every human experience imaginable, we could not appropriate the depth of understanding which allows us to formulate our preferences.

So here we are.  We are human beings who live in a world of unlimited contrast.  We are able to make distinctions.  Our distinctions form our personal preferences.  As we gather a certain level of understanding toward that which we DO NOT want to experience, we can ascertain a certain level of clarity toward that which we DO want to experience.

This is an absolute cognitive equation that can be applied to every possible human experience that you could possibly imagine within the physical realm.  It is so certain that it even includes all the possible experiences that you cannot imagine!  This is the phenomenon of conceptual reality known to every creator.  Contrast allows preference.

Now, keeping this principle of polarity and contrast in mind, let’s consider the three basic human experiences that most physical beings regard as significant.  These would include being healthy, wealthy, and in a loving relationship.  Each of these states of ‘being’ can be experienced from one extreme to the other, as well as in many other variations along the space in between.  Within each of these fundamental human experiences, no matter where they exist along the spectrum between their extremes, there are very specific energetic properties that are required in order for these experiences to exist in our reality.

This is what is so fantastic about this principle!  As individuals, each of us get to determine these specific properties through the nature of our personal observations.  So, my concept of wealth will be represented by specific thoughts and energetic vibrations as they are understood by me, and your concept of wealth will include specific properties that are understood by you.

From one extreme to the other, the possible variations that can exist are continually chosen by us.  Our reality is reflected by the consistent energetic vibrations that we choose to practice.

Even though we are capable of perceiving our own versions of wealth, health, and intimate companionship, many individuals believe that their absolute choices concerning the level of these experiences are limited.  This occurs when there is a conscious rejection to entertain any notions that are identified as extreme ends of the spectrum.  The idea of being extremely wealthy or completely penniless is perceived as being so “unrealistic” that often, without even being aware of it, these individuals will consistently choose to remain somewhere in the middle of what they view as “reasonable” expectations.  They vacillate between what they perceive to be an unobtainable experience on one end of the spectrum, and its objectionable counterpart on the other. (As in somewhere that feels most NORMAL.  As in balance, balance, balance…)

For the sake of illustration, let’s consider the standard see-saw that can be found on a child’s playground.  We could represent our particular concept of wealth by viewing its contrasting properties as opposing weights on each end of the see-saw.  One end would reflect our perception of an extreme LACK of wealth, while the other end would reflect our concept of an extreme ABUNDANCE of wealth.

While keeping the image of a see-saw in mind, gather the thoughts and emotions that you might associate with your understanding of “lack.”  Your specifics may include emotions of despair, fear, or resignation.  These feelings may generate subsequent thoughts such as the absence of food and shelter, and perhaps the inability to earn an income.  Whether these perceptions are based on personal experience, personal observations, or both, they are your concept of “lack” of wealth.

Now if you were to envision all of these specific components as one image, what would it look like?  Considering the sheer number of plausible thoughts and emotions that you have identified throughout your lifetime, this conglomeration could be viewed as a pile of sand, grains of rice, pebbles (rocks and boulders!), beans, marbles, apples, oranges, or any other items that could represent your perception of an extreme lack of wealth.  It is your collection.  Visualizing what these components would look like if they were gathered together in a pile, will allow you to gauge the nature of its perceived weight.  Is it heavy?  Is it light?  Only you can determine that.

Now, without making any judgment calls on the content of these thoughts and emotions in your accumulated pile, just accept that this is your current ‘formula’ for the experience of an extreme lack of wealth.

So if you were to direct your full and undivided attention to this acquired formula by CONSISTENTLY practicing all of the thoughts and emotions that you identify as an experience of lack, it would then become your dominant vibration.  The Universe would respond by providing you with the exact manifestations (representations) of that which you are calling forth.  Your understanding regarding an extreme lack of wealth would become your reality.  There is no exception to this rule.

“Well,” you say. “I don’t want that!”  (Good! This is why we have choices.)

Now envision the contrasting collection of thoughts and emotions that you would associate with your concept of an extreme abundance of wealth.  This accumulated pile of beans (or whatever you want to imagine) might include feelings of bliss, arrogance, and lofty expectations that generate thoughts of high-risk ventures, unlimited income potential, or the ability to purchase an island in the Pacific.  I’m just spit-balling here.  Whatever components that you have identified throughout your lifetime to define your version of extreme wealth, this accumulation now occupies the other end of the see-saw.

How would you gauge the perceived weight of this collection?  Is it heavy?  Is it light?  Once again, only you can determine the weight of this conglomeration.  How does it compare to the weight on the other end of the see-saw?

The same creative potential that exists on the other end (regarding lack of wealth) applies to your collection of perceived abundance.  Without entertaining any opinions on the content of these thoughts and emotions that are contained in this accumulated pile, accept that this would be the current formula that you would have to practice CONSISTENTLY in order for you to experience an extreme abundance of wealth (as you understand it to be, at this particular moment in your life).  Do you want this version?  If it were your dominant vibration, the Universe would provide it.  This pile would outweigh the perceptions of lack that you collected on the other end of the see-saw, and it would be your reality.

Here’s the thing.  Most people do not spend their undivided time and attention within their extreme version that is located on one end of their conceptual see-saw.  Creators do.

(Now that we have established THAT,  I just noticed the word count on this post.  Talk about your extremes.  I really appreciate that you stuck it out with me for this long.  Let’s visit the subject of extreme creation some more next time!)

Weekend Warrior

I love the invention of weekends.  One 24 hour “break” from our normal routine is often not enough to rest and regroup our earthly selves.   Whether your weekend includes the standard Saturday and Sunday, or falls on two other consecutive days in a week, it has been my experience that a time period of at least 48 hours is required when seeking to regenerate your entire being.  We may not have the opportunity to take advantage of every weekend in this manner, but scheduling at least one “weekend” for yourself (every now and then) can work wonders.

It is often the “selfish” acts of a good witch that create a benefit to those that she lives, works, and meets with.  Most of us have heard this advice at least a million times before, but often fail to heed these brilliant words.

“It’s important to take care of yourself, first and foremost.”

It seemed that this wisdom was offered to me on a regular basis when my kids were younger.  I always thought that this statement was just a polite method of providing comfort to a young mother who appears to be physically and emotionally spent.  The wisdom was appreciated, but I never really knew what “taking care of myself” would entail.  I had some ideas, but they did not originate with me.  Even if I did have some inkling of what I would require in order to take care of myself, I sure the hell did not have the time for it.

In any case, you do not necessarily have to be a full-time parent to have heard this advice offered on occasion.  A timely message can be communicated through various means.  Perhaps the next time that you hear these words, you could regard it as a reminder from Higher Self to discover (and remember) the appropriate care that your entire being requires in order to expand.

The details of SELF care are determined by you.  For me, the process has produced a more lasting effect when I address all aspects of what I consider to comprise my ‘entire’ being.

There are several theories regarding the particular elements that comprise one’s entirety.   Most of these assessments suggest that our being includes the body, mind, and spirit.  Myself, I have always preferred the notion that there is a fourth aspect that includes the heart (or the core) of an individual.  Some would argue that this is what ’spirit’ is, while I prefer to recognize Spirit in more of a collective sense.

I think of Spirit as the Oneness that we all have a connection to, whereas the ‘heart’ defines my individual soul aspect and the personal nature of Spirit.  When I regard the ‘core’ being as a separate aspect, I find that I am able to wrap my brain around the comprehension of a certain space that resides within.  This space would be where free will, choice, and private emotion exist.  (This is most likely due to the fact that my big, fat, out-of-proportion mind likes to over-analyze everything, and therefore, finds satisfaction in creating a separate element to include for evaluation.)

HOWEVER you may perceive the aspects of your individual being, designating a 48 hour period to take care of yourself is most productive when you address each part of your SELF.  The body may need comfort, the mind may need stimulation (or QUIETING), the spirit may need nourishment in the form of appreciation, and the heart and soul may need the personal attention of your complete awareness.

The first day of your mini-vacation will most likely be comprised of the actual preparation necessary in order to allow yourself the time that you will need on the second day.  It seems that it is within this second 24-hour period that one can actually EXPERIENCE the personal process of effective self-care.  When my children were younger, I know that it was practically impossible for me to unwind and rejuvenate in one 24 hour period.  Being granted a “day off” seemed never enough time.

By the time that I figured out that shopping alone for an afternoon, or taking a bath without hearing someone call “mommy” for a few precious moments, were mere FRAGMENTS of the time that I really needed, it seemed as if my “day off” was over.  It took several years of trial and error to realize that the genuine benefit of “time to yourself” requires that an adequate portion of that time be used to adequately prepare!

When the budget is tight, or the babysitters are scarce, or the roommate won’t leave for two days, this is the time to be a creative weekend warrior.  Consciously project your intention to partake in some “solitary time” and often the opportunities to schedule a “selfish” weekend will appear.  It is often when you expect compliance, understanding, and compassion from any vested parties, that you will get it.  Roommates can mysteriously get invited to join someone on a weekend adventure, or husbands may suddenly feel a need to take the kids to visit Grandma for a few days.

In any event, once you are able to mark your “weekend” on the calendar, the prospect of what you will do with your time is personal.

Enjoy it.  It is your gift to you.

“Not I,” Said The Cat

Since when is suffering considered a hallowed virtue?  There is not a doubt that any well-bred Catholic would probably have the answer to that.  The esteemed qualities that are required for sainthood include forbearance, suffering, and ultimate sacrifice.  Individuals who exhibited these traits throughout their lifetime, and then demonstrated their “holiness” by dying for their faith, were to be held in the highest regard.

Most Catholics (or at least those of us that were raised in the 1960’s) were taught that suffering is “saintly.”  Any time that I was experiencing pain, or unpleasantness of any kind, there was usually a nun nearby to remind me that I should “offer it up as a sacrifice to Christ.”  I was not at all certain how that was going to help me, but I was taught that it was disrespectful to question a nun.  It may have been more clear had she told me to just shut-up and quit complaining.

Along with a hefty dose of guilt, being raised in a large Catholic family usually comes with a complimentary ration of martyrdom.  Any mother who raises her face to the heavens, closes her eyes, and covers her forehead with the back of her hand portrays a classic image.  Of course, my own dear mother was never that dramatic.  This exaggerated depiction comes to mind because at one time or another, all of us were told that we would be responsible for sending my mother to an early grave.  (Fortunately, she is now 83 years old and still alive and VERY well.)

Perhaps this early notion of ’suffering’ is the reason why I once found the tale of The Little Red Hen so appealing.  The intended lesson of the story is to demonstrate the virtue of “sharing in the work if one is to share in the rewards.”  Somehow, I managed to interpret the circumstances of this story to personify the task of parenting.

The Little Red Hen does it all.  The dog, the cat, the pig, and the turkey do not want anything to do with planting the grain, reaping the wheat, threshing the wheat, taking it to the mill to have it ground, baking the flour, and making the bread.  But they sure the hell want to help eat it.  This sounded familiar.

“I just spent all damn day cleaning that floor, and you just walk in here without even wiping your feet.”

“I just ironed that shirt!  You try it on, decide that you don’t want to wear it, and then throw it on your closet floor?!”

Scenarios like these could explain how an overworked, stressed-out, stay-at-home parent could sometimes feel like The Little Red Hen.  Every hen needs an outlet to decline the ancient appeal of martyrdom.

When you tend to your connection to All That Is, you are able to see yourself as Source sees you.  Divine Source knows that you do not have to suffer to be appreciated.

Routinely giving yourself those solitary moments that nourish the heart will serve to remind you of the grandness of your being, and ignite the appreciation of your true nature.  Appreciation is one of the most powerful vibrations that expands in brilliant fashion when directed from within.

Once self-appreciation is allowed to flow freely, people will notice a clean floor, and even turn around to wipe their feet, without you having to say a word.  Almost like magic:)

What A Coinky-dink!

I love coincidences in life.  The recognition of corresponding  circumstances and events that occur throughout one’s daily life are significant indicators of creation in action.  Coincidences are personal message boards provided by the Universe to confirm that your vibrational output is aligning with your heart’s desire.  Just when you start to entertain some doubts about whether or not Spirit knows what the hell It is doing, it seems that an unmistakable ‘reminder’ will show up in the form of an unlikely coincidence.   Substantial correlations, and even the seemingly obscure moments, can provide the mindful observer with those “aha” moments when we are prompted to say, “Thanks, I needed that!”

Of course, intentionally searching for relevant signs that you are achieving vibrational alignment with Source never works.  The conscious mind is an invasive busy-body that likes to screw up the creation equation.  Until we learn how to revoke our mind’s invitation to the creator’s party, significant messages from the Universe will go unnoticed.  It is only when we relax, and allow our natural rhythms to flow from the heart, that those pleasant coincidences can frequent our daily lives.

You might be driving in your car, and suddenly realize that the words of a song (that you have heard at least a hundred times before) will mysteriously reflect the exact thoughts you had earlier in the day.  Without any special purpose to check the time, you may glance at the clock on your cell phone and notice that it is 4:44 pm,  while you just ended a phone call that lasted for exactly 4 minutes and 44 seconds.  Maybe you read something in the morning that made an obscure reference to a particular item, and then later that afternoon, while waiting in line at the grocery store, you overhear a conversation between two strangers who mention the exact same thing.  These are your confirmations from the Universe that everything is proceeding according to Divine plan.  Your vibrational alignment with Source is timely and true.

Durwood rarely, if ever, reads my posts.  His reasoning includes the declaration that he “lives it,”  and since being married to a witch is weird enough, he does not have to read about it.  Whatever.

Ironically (or coincidentally), the one post that he did read was the Catholic Girl’s Guide to Becoming Arrogant.  I was sitting at my computer finishing the draft, when he uncharacteristically offered to proofread it.  Durwood had never done this before, so I accepted his unusual proposal.  When he finished reading my first draft, his initial response came in the form of one word.

He peered at me through the top of his reading glasses and said, “Whoa.”

“What is it?” I wanted to know.

Durwood replied that he thought the content needed some editing.  He explained that my reference to religion, and in particular, the disclosure regarding my adolescent experience with sexually deviant behavior read in a dispirited manner that did not reflect the true nature of who I am.

“Wow,” I replied. “Really?”  The painful memories of old wounds tend to reveal their unsightly scars when you least expect it.

“This just doesn’t sound like you,” Durwood continued.  “I think of your writing as the embodiment of witch light.  The way that you wrote this is too witch heavy.”

At the exact moment when Durwood finished presenting his observation, the Bud Light commercial ran on the television in the next room.  It was loud enough, too, that both of us paused to hear the words.

The beer campaign’s clever reference to situations that are “not too heavy” or “not too light” was unmistakable.  I had an ‘aha’ moment, while Durwood just grinned and nodded.  As if he had something to do with it.

I rewrote the post. The message from both Durwood and the Universe had been received loud and clear.  “Witch Light” is definitely much more appealing and comfortable for me than “Witch Heavy” will ever be.

If I ever needed any confirmation on that notion, it appears that a Bud Light commercial can furnish a most appropriate and timely coinky-dink:)  I will happily let Durwood take the credit for prompting that one.

Grab Your Pointy Hat

Attractive as the striped stockings and trendy ankle boots may be, the most appealing aspect of practicing your own witchcraft is the ever-expanding connection to Source energy.  Exploring the depths of your heart in order to reconnect with the Divine power that exists within each of us is a unique and individual journey of choice.  Whether you approach this endeavor with the company of others, in solitary, or not at all, is a conscious decision.  Regardless of how you define your level of connection to Divine energy, we are all magical beings.  The pointy hat is always optional.

Life is magic.  The essence of magic is simply the natural state of energy movement that creates change in your life.   By opening your heart and descending into the Source of your own energy, the memory of your true purpose unfolds and you rediscover who you are.  You remember that you are the deliberate creator of your own life experience.

It is the heart of our being that follows the pull of magic, and directs the movement of energy to bring that which you desire into your experience.  Defining the properties of manifestation cannot be explained, as there are no adequate words available in the realm of the heart.  It just happens.  That’s why we call it magic:)

Once you experience the creation of your own magic, the awareness of its essence, even in ordinary things, provides a sense of wonder and satisfaction in life.  You begin seeing connections between what you think, how you feel, and what is happening around you.  It seems as if you open your eyes to what you are creating for yourself, and your natural connection to Source expands.

The unmistakable aura that beams forth from one who has rediscovered the nature of their true essence is a lovely sight to behold.  I still smile when I recall an exchange that I had with one of the moms that I had the pleasure of knowing during my PTA years.  Sylvia was a gentle and kind soul, who preferred to avoid the cutthroat business of fund-raising and planning that seemed to define the bitchy character of many of the PTA board members of the time.  I admired her.

We had planned a school carnival, and I thought that it would be refreshing to offer some local fare, in addition to the routine hot dog, snow cone, and popcorn stands.  Since Sylvia’s sister Rosa lived two doors down from us at the time, I knew that Sylvia’s mom made tamales for their family on occasion.  I asked Sylvia if she would be willing to make tamales to sell at the school carnival.  Sylvia was hesitant, but thought that perhaps with the help of her sister Rosa, the three Alvarez women could prepare a sufficient amount to serve.

It had been quite the undertaking.  Sylvia reported that her mother had never prepared such a large amount of tamales at one time, and she and Rosa had not participated in the actual preparation of ingredients before.  The day before the carnival, Sylvia had become overwhelmed with the responsibility of providing tamales for public consumption.  Her mom and Rosa were ready to bow out completely.  Sylvia had to take over.

I was so busy myself on the morning of carnival day, I barely noticed when Sylvia had arrived with her large warming trays packed full of tamales.  What I did notice later, were the hoards of people gathered around her tamale stand.  There were carnival-goers eagerly waiting in line, smiling people carrying stacks of tamale filled containers away, and others standing off to the side eating tamales right off the plate that they were holding.  The tamales were the highlight of the carnival.  Sylvia was beaming.

When I finally had a chance to talk with her later, Sylvia relayed her experience.  In the midst of the anxiety she was feeling the day before, she stepped outside, sat on the front step for a moment, and took several deep breaths.

With a knowing smile, she said, “I closed my eyes, and shifted my intention.”

When she went back inside, she completed the preparation of all the ingredients.  Then she proceeded to fill, wrap, and stack hundreds of tamales.  Throughout the entire process, she said that she thought of nothing else but the love that she was putting in to each and every one that she made.

What an exquisite expression of energy movement from the heart.  And she didn’t even wear a pointy hat.

What’s with the Green Face?

The Wicked Witch of the West scared the hell out of me when I was a kid.  Every time that she appeared in a scene from The Wizard of Oz, I would resort to using the customary strategy practiced by any normal, frightened child: I covered my face with both of my hands.  This time-honored method would allow me to take the small, measured, one-eyed glimpses that a young child can bear when watching a frightening scene.  Viewing the Wicked Witch of the West through a narrow opening between two fingers did not make her any less terrifying.  Although, when you are a just a kid, any attempt to avoid full exposure to scary stuff does serve to provide some level of adequate security.  Barely peeking at the wicked witch, as opposed to using unimpaired vision, made my encounter with her slightly more tolerable.

“I’ll get you, my pretty.  And your little dog, too.”  Surely, threatening promises that were delivered with a heinous cackle would have been disturbing enough.  But it was most assuredly the creepy green face that always left a haunting impression upon my brain.  This image would last for many months following one of our annual Wizard of Oz television broadcasts during the 1960’s.

One of the most unnerving portions of the movie occurs while Dorothy is locked in the tower of the wicked witch’s castle.  I dreaded the scene during which Dorothy sees her Auntie Em’s image in the enormous crystal ball.  I would wince and hold my breath during the moment when Auntie Em’s reflection would become blurry, and then mysteriously transform into the hideous, enlarged green face of the Wicked Witch.

As many times as I had seen the movie, I knew that the witch’s ghastly face would become larger-than-life within that damn crystal ball, and yet it petrified me each and every time that it happened.  I would cringe while she mocked Dorothy’s desperate cries for Auntie Em with such cruelty.  That extremely large green face, with the pinched eyebrows, and the pursed lips that ridiculed poor Dorothy’s forlorn predicament was brutal.  That was the one image that stuck in my head for months.  The memory of it still wrinkles my nose.

Since the early childhood years in the Bean household were restricted to viewing a black-and-white television set, Durwood was spared the full-color spectrum of the Wicked Witch as seen in all of her evil green.  When Dorothy opened the front door of her fallen house, Durwood and his two sisters thought that Munchkin Land still looked like Kansas.  Apparently, the Wicked Witch of the West was not as frightening in black-and-white.

After all, he did marry me.

It’s Never Too Late To Teach An Old Dog New Tricks

Meet Brutus.  Brutus is over 12 years old, which makes him about the same age (in human years) as my dad.  Set in their ways, and fiercely loyal to their routines, both dog and man have zero tolerance for disruption in their lives.

My dad is very firm regarding his basic requirements.  For example, he would become very disgruntled should my mother, my sister, or anyone else have the audacity to schedule an appointment that may interfere with his morning nap.  My mom and Mary Jo may roll their eyes, but for the sake of all vested parties, both of them adhere to the known guidelines regarding Dad’s routine.

The dog has a self-centered and structured agenda, as well.   Every night at exactly 9 o’clock, Brutus stands at the foot of our bed and demands (with a series of short, irritating yelps) to be lifted onto the bed so that he may retire for the evening.  Most of us groan, but one of us will eventually comply with his incessant bidding, since none of us can withstand that unnerving bark of his for any length of time.  His bark oddly resembles Dad’s grumble when he is five minutes past his lunch time.

Dog and man are both content in their established routines.  They have no desire to change, and do not have any misgivings toward expressing a steadfast devotion toward their fixed agendas.  Anyone who would suggest otherwise can expect a fair amount of resistance (as in grumpiness).  I believe that Dad and Brutus are entitled.

As physical residents of the planet, we are often creatures of habit.  Most of us become comfortable with what we know ‘works’ for us.  Like my two favorite old guys, we are certainly entitled to continue operating within our own familiar realm when we are content with our lives.  It is only when we are not satisfied with our current experiences that we may consider approaching unfamiliar territory.

When I was completing an internship for addictions counseling, there was a popular credence toward the significance of “comfort zones.”  Encouraging clients to step out of their familiar territory was considered an essential aspect in recovery from addictive behavior.  There were so many workshops and case study sessions dedicated to the thousands of possible applications to “comfort zone” scenarios that the idea itself became superfluous.  C’mon.  What is addictive behavior if not one big comfort zone in the first place?

Addictions aside, any desire to transform your current life experience will require some measure of venturing forth into unfamiliar realms.  Fortunately, we have the benefit of time, which allows us to ease into our self-expansion at a manageable pace.

Challenging ourselves to step out of our usual patterns of behavior, even in small increments, will initiate the process of change.  Making the phone call that you have been putting off forever, holding your tongue from the usual terse remark, speaking from the heart instead of remaining silent, saying hello to that person you usually ignore, or even something as simple as taking a new route to work one morning could qualify as steps into the unfamiliar.

Personal efforts such as these will foster the opportunity for a wider perspective of your environment.  With each and every attempt to alter habitual patterns, the Universe will respond in kind.  Clarity increases and you will begin to observe things that you ordinarily may not have noticed before.

As is typical among any support system, I gleaned more wisdom regarding the process of change from fellow addicts than I ever did in studying effective ways to treat us.  Genuine clarity from someone who deliberately steps out of their comfort zone on a daily basis can offer fellow beings the most insightful and concise anecdotes.  I fondly recall one colleague’s astute observation that entrenched patterns of behavior are much like a speeding train.  When the decision is made to change course, it takes some time to adequately decrease the speed of the train in order to completely alter the direction that it has been traveling.  Recovering addicts appropriately refer to this process as the “one day at a time” approach.

We are the conductors of our speeding trains.  Unless, of course, you are like my two favorite old guys, who are perfectly content with the direction in which their trains are traveling, it is inspiring to know that our own train can be redirected, expanded, and eventually gain maximum forward motion when given the proper time and attention from us.  Just a few simple steps out of our comfort zone, when repeated over time, can eventually turn a speeding train around.

I think that I will make that phone call tonight after Brutus goes to bed:)

To Be Or Not To Be

Any well-founded witch can appreciate the teachings of the Buddha.  The Eightfold Path and other basic Buddhist teachings promote the practice of meditation to reconnect with the vital energy of self.  Relaxing the vigilant mind’s ego allows us the freedom to create our own happiness.  As we release our ego, we increase our awareness of truly “living in the moment.”  I honor and respect the practice of mindfulness as a way of life, but I wonder if the Buddha has had to change a diaper like my nephew had yesterday after eating prunes for breakfast.  When I am up to my elbows in poop, the concept of ‘living in the moment’ seems overrated.

The practice of ‘mindfulness’ offers the opportunity to balance the ego’s need “to do” with our innate capacity “to be.”  I appreciate the concept, but there are some moments in our day-to-day life when ‘being’ in the moment presents a challenge.

Anson’s ‘prune incident’ occurred in the midst of our beagle’s need to throw-up the contents of the bathroom waste basket that she had apparently ingested earlier.  Being that I was the only adult in attendance for the Bean Household Waste Elimination Festival, I questioned the intrinsic value of reveling in each moment.  I wonder if it is not more productive to view these not-so-pleasant moments as occasions to focus on what may be in the future, instead of what is occurring in the present?

In January, I ran a half-marathon with my Aunt Cindy.  Completing the thirteen miles turned out to be easier than I had originally anticipated, but there were moments when masquerading as a volunteer who stood on the sidelines seemed an attractive alternative.  Aunt Cindy is almost twenty years older than I am.  Due to the fact that she was maintaining a determined pace, my ego would not allow me to sneak off and pretend that I was a spectator, but I did entertain the notion somewhere around mile seven.

During mile eight is when I formulated my own compromise between the wisdom of ‘being in the moment’ and the desire to finish the damn race.  It is the language of self-talk that becomes most relevant when your knees are suffering, or you have poop all over the front of your shirt.

“I am content with myself, no matter what is happening right now”  has been changed to, “I am content with myself and will be EVEN HAPPIER when this is over.”

The process is never as significant as the outcome.

A Beefed-Up Connection

After investing weeks, months, or the years that some of us require in order to remember Who We Are, it can feel like quite a setback to experience dismal moments (especially when they seem to last longer than we would like).  As physical beings, we can accept that mood changes are part of the human experience, and yet these vibrational ‘dips’ can produce unpleasant and ‘backwards’ feelings of disappointment in our ability to maintain our connection to Source.  Attempts to transform our disappointment into mild annoyance can provide some improvement, but even the slightly higher vibration of irritation is not satisfying once you have had the experience of a sustained Divine signal.

Intellectually, most of us understand the concept of allowing these feelings of uncertainty to ‘pass through’ our experience before they take root.  There are some occasions, however, when this knowledge (and the procedure to allow it) feels easier said than done.

Welcome to earth!   As part of the human race, we have many available circumstances to choose from that can trigger the onset of a dismal mood.  Physical exhaustion (as in lack of sleep), bad news, really bad news, worse news, or even a crappy weather day has the potential to present a challenge in maintaining an optimum connection to your Source of Well Being.

If you feel like you have spent at least forty-nine years overcoming unwanted patterns of self-destructive behavior and drama, it can be disappointing to find yourself entertaining an ancient instinct to run down the drain every time an unpleasant circumstance shows up in your experience.  Jeez!

It happens.  We are active participants within the human realm who are sensitive to our environment and its subsequent circumstances.  It is good to know that we have options that can redirect our momentum.

Since our connection to Source is not static, the ebb and flow is very much dependent on our deliberate awareness of its strength.  During those moments, or days, when my connection seems to reflect more ebb than flow, I have found that it is helpful to approach the tweaking process deliberately.

Deliberate intention to beef-up your connection to Source can be limited to small incremental blocks of time throughout the day.  Using this piece-by-piece method can be effective when you are feeling as if you have ‘accidentally’ found yourself in the midst of a shitty mood that seems to be lasting longer than you would like.

You may already have several elements in your repertoire that you trust to elevate your vibrational output.  This method will require that you rifle through those particular items that you have accumulated in your personal bag of tricks.  These items may include a particular song that lifts your spirit, or perhaps the memory of something that made you laugh with abandon.  Most likely, one of the items in your bag of tricks came to mind as you were reading this.  That’s the one!

If you cannot bring yourself to choose an item, I understand.  I know that sometimes identifying a personal smile-inducing item is not easy.  I can relate to how it feels during those times when you don’t even want to open the bag.  In fact, I know what it feels like when it seems like consulting a bag of tricks is pointless, because it won’t make a damn bit of difference in whatever is happening around you anyway.  It’s okay.  Since I have spent what could be HUNDREDS of lifetimes honing a proclivity toward low self-esteem, ironically, I am quite CONFIDENT that I rank among the highest professional levels when it comes to issues of self-worth.  I completely understand how difficult it can be to turn your attention away from ingrained patterns of disappointment and try to ‘look’ for something that makes you smile.

You are smart, so you may be fully aware that reacting to dismal circumstances with lowered vibrations are carrying you further away from your Source, and yet the last thing that you FEEL like doing is reviewing a personal list of things that have been known to bring you a smile. (Really?!?…because putting a smiley-faced band-aid on a gaping wound is going to do something?!)  However, if you keep in mind that you only have to pick ONE, the task may not seem as daunting (or repulsive) as your dismal mindset would insist.  In addition, reminding yourself that this is the action taken by a deliberate creator (and a most practical witch) helps a little, too.  If you are still unable to open your bag of tricks and choose an item, you are more than welcome to borrow one of mine.  I suggest listening to Karl Jenkins’ live performance of Adiemus (if you are halfway down the drain) or Le Festin (if you feel as if you may be only headed toward the drain.)  The resonance of vibrations offered in either of these songs can assist in enhancing the network of connections between conscious mind and spiritual Source.  (Links are provided on the right side of the home page for this site)

Once you choose a reliable item from your bag of tricks (or mine), commit to spending a few minutes out of the upcoming hour using it.  While you are holding your image, or listening to your favorite song during this allotted time, imagine that this effort is creating a new connection, almost as if it were an additional ‘wire’ that you are adding to the pathway that exists between your physical self and your Source.  The main connection is already there.  You are not concerned about this prevailing ‘cable’ at the moment (since it seems to be weak, anyway).  You are focused only on the new connection that your participation in this ’smile factor’ activity is creating.

Upon the completion of your first effort, you may feel no immediate improvement in your mood.  It’s okay.  Higher Self honors the effort you have made in creating an additional pathway.  The less time that you stress over the lack of perceived improvement in your vibrational alignment, the better.  Know that you have the upcoming hour to add an additional connection, and trust that these deliberate efforts have been duly noted.

Using this one-hour-at-a-time method to deliberately create new connections along the pathway between your conscious self and your spiritual Source will beef-up your system in due time.  The deliberate expansion of this network eventually makes a noticeable difference in your ability to maintain a higher vibrational level for longer periods of time.  Bad news, worse news, or even a shitty day will be no match for a carefully constructed, kick-ass system.  Uninterrupted communication between yourself and your Power Source will be your own beautiful creation in and of itself, and dismal moments will be a mere and passing memory.

This is a promise from a practical, and (former) professional low-self esteem witch:)