Seemingly random information appears throughout our life in which we do not attribute any particular significance to at the time.  It is not until some moment later in in our life that we realize just how pivotal this occasion had been.

There are rare moments when it can feel like just yesterday, but it has been well over a decade now since I felt so spiritually lost and uncertain that I had no sense of direction.  Encouraged by my best friend Gabrielle, recent circumstances in my journey had led me to reveal some unsightly elephants roaming around in the living room of my extended family.

As is often typical within a family fortress, presiding members held no interest in acknowledging any elephants, let alone that they may even exist.  In order to validate this point, it was necessary to discredit my revelation.  Among the several explanations offered to justify my disclosure, the most devastating had been that I was mentally unstable.  Also included in this line of reasoning were suggestions that I had been brainwashed, and that my therapist had been so in love with me that she had planted false memories in my head.  Apparently this had been conveniently highlighted on a recent episode of Oprah.

(Ridiculous as it seems to me now, I was not so flip regarding these developments at the time.  Dedicating an entire paragraph to this particular experience with my family has given the subject more attention than I would prefer, but it seems that a short background of events is necessary to continue today’s post.)

Fortunately, I did have the support of a select few people in my life who were not at all doubtful regarding my disclosure.  However, the dynamics of my extended family were such that any championing efforts on my behalf were effectively thwarted.  Obviously, it had been an emotionally wrenching time in my life.

I felt lost.  My spiritual compass was broken, and it seemed that the foundation upon which I had built my tower of religious beliefs had been crumbled beyond repair.  All of my carefully created convictions were rapidly tumbling to the ground.

Every desperate search for some wisdom and guidance fell short.  Although I welcomed the support of Durwood and a few dear friends, my spirit still felt vacant.  I realized that any recovery would be up to me, but every attempt to seek some glimmer of personal soul-soothing seemed alarmingly generic and outdated.

That was when my Aunt Lily had planted the appropriate seed.  Although I would have welcomed it, her approach was not to defend or intercede on my behalf.  Being a woman of subtle grace and experience, she offered me more than words of comfort.  Aunt Lily guided me toward the inner strength that she knew resided within.

Separated by over a thousand miles, Aunt Lily engaged in a heartfelt conversation over the phone that included spirited words of sovereignty.  Artful murmurs of change and renewal were laced throughout her dialogue.  She listened without judgment, and spoke with powerful words of inner strength and divine source.  It would not be until years later when I would realize how truly valuable Aunt Lily’s gift to me had been.

Toward the end of our lengthy exchange, Aunt Lily asked if I had heard of the book titled “Conversations With God.” Well, of course I had.  It had been all over the press and on practically every recent best-seller list at the time.

“Yes,” Aunt Lily confirmed.  “But have you READ it?”

Honestly?  I tried.  At this point in my life, the last thing that I wanted to do was read another goddamn spiritual book.  What little of this book that I did attempt to read seemed stupid, and the author struck me as rather self-indulgent, as well.

“You’ll pick it up again when you’re ready,” Aunt Lily responded with ease.

Aunt Lily was right that I would, indeed.

It was about two years after I had spoken with Aunt Lily that I actually did return to Neale Donald Walsch’s book.  It had been collecting dust all that time.  Unlike the first attempt, I really DID read it this time around.  I found myself riveted, inspired, and receptive to the message within its contents.

“You know a great deal more than you have experienced,” God tells the author. “You simply don’t know that you know.”

Sparks, bells, and whistles were exploding throughout my being.  Profound words of enlightenment occurred repeatedly throughout this “uncommon dialogue.”  Reading ‘Conversations with God’ with a wide-open heart has been one of the many catalysts that have helped to awaken the Knowing Self within me.

A faulty tower of religious beliefs crumbles when it has been constructed with poor materials, false values, and misguided convictions.  It is no wonder that a flawed structure cannot withstand an emotional earthquake of betrayal.  The opportunity to rebuild a new belief system that is based on honesty and self-trust changed the course of my life completely.

Thanks, Aunt Lily.  I have been having the time of my life ever since:)

Tags: change and renewal, conversations with god, divine source, doubtful disclosure, elephants in the living room, emotionally wrenching, false memories, family dynamics, family fortress, inner strength, neale donald walsch, pivotal occasion, religious beliefs, sovereignty, spiritually lost, words of enlightenment