Tag: opinions of others

Look What I Can Do

“How old am I?”

I pause within a sudden urge to skip, refraining from the possibility of looking like an idiot in heels.  This is only because I am keenly aware that people will see me.

Sadly, the fleeting moment of spontaneous expression has evaporated.  The mere thought that another human might witness my childish behavior has effectively sucked the life right out of any impromptu display of joy.  I’m a grown-up.  I’ve been socialized.  I decide upon an appropriate smirk and a short hop in my stride, instead.

It’s a trivial consideration, really.  Entertaining a brief notion that another human being might observe my behavior, and formulate an opinion toward it, had introduced just enough doubt to stop me from skipping in public.  The content of their perceived opinion is irrelevant.  It’s only that I considered their feedback at all, however briefly, that had effectively thwarted my stride.

So why should I care what anyone thinks?

I know all the “healthy” answers to that:

“What other people think is none of my business”

“Personal power is significantly diluted when the perception of others is considered”

“Secondary opinions undermine primary creative control”

Blah, blah…

Any witch seeking to orchestrate the circumstances of her life experience knows this crap.  She studied it.  It is an intellectually sound concept that reveals the truth in her innate ability to create the life she desires, effectively defining the absolute power of  sovereignty.

If I know all this, why on earth would I still practice caring about the opinions of others?  I wondered that, too.  I wondered about it so much that I dissected the pesky habit right down to the underlying source.

The truth is that positive feedback from a fellow human being feels good.  Why wouldn’t it?  It’s satisfying to be recognized with a compliment.  This is a good thing, right?!

Of course it is!…Until I inadvertently allowed the satisfaction of praise to mess with my self-worth.

I thought about this in ‘big picture’ view.  Sometimes stepping back to simply observe the dynamics of my interaction with the rest of the planet facilitates a neutral understanding.  When I eliminate any judgment, remove the emotional factor, and view the way I respond to others as if I were just a character in a story, then any elements of discord can be recognized pretty quickly.

I clearly discovered the glitch.  Associating that ‘good feeling’ I had whenever someone recognized my behavior with a compliment, especially when I was young, is what has served to program my internal operating system.  Seriously.  Credit the power of socialization, my ignorance, or the child-like willingness to please, but I had allowed the positive feedback of others to literally train my self-perception into a habitual pattern of seeking approval from others.  I woke up one fine day to realize that the manner in which others respond to my behavior had seemingly become more significant than any opinion I may have had of myself…that is, if I could even remember having an opinion of myself that was not in some way influenced by the feedback of someone else.

Good god.  What have I done?!?

Well, this is easy now.  No need to get emotional once the big picture is clear.

The ‘girl in the story’ feels good.  She feels really, really good every time that she is recognized with a compliment.  On the other hand, she has learned that responding to criticism interferes with her personal agenda, so she’ll just have to ignore any feedback that feels bad.

And there it is.

I can’t have it both ways.  I reclaimed creative control over my life experience the moment I decided to devalue outward perceptions across the board.  Just as I declare my independence from the scrutiny of others, so too must I detach my vested interest from the positive recognition offered by my fellow human beings.

Some feel good, some feel not so good.  Neither can affect my behavior.

Accepting criticism as gracefully as a compliment is easy when neither is attached to the expectations I hold of myself.  Whether we deem the opinions of others as praiseworthy or critical bears little consequence on the power within each and every one of us to create our own happiness.

Put on those high heels and skip your heart out, bitches! (…Er, witches)

Waiting Game

Time can be a real bugger.  No other aspect of life on the planet can shake my faith quite like time itself.

The journey toward personal wish-fulfillment includes accepting obsolete belief systems and the steady influx of thought offered by others.  When you realize that struggling against the influence of the past and the opinion of others is futile, you learn to accept these aspects of physical existence for what they are.  Sovereignty in mind, heart, and spirit is remembered, and resistance to the flow of well-being declines.

Whatever happened yesterday, and who said what about something, is no longer relevant to whatever the hell you are creating for your life experience now.  You get to a point where you may even marvel that you allowed these things to impede your birthright to a joyous life for so long.  Sometimes it takes about fifty years to practice ‘acceptance’ until it becomes natural, and even then, old habits die hard:)

We knew all this stuff upon our arrival, but some of us must have wanted the really long and comprehensive exam (with bonus essay questions!) before we could remember who we really are.  The key to boundless well-being and creative mastery is revealed in the art of acceptance, but we always ‘think’ that we have to earn the right to know that.

Meanwhile, as old operating procedures fade away with new conscious awareness, the pesky aspect of physics remains.  Things like gravity, space, and time are all part of the program here on this magnificent planet, so even when we master the properties of allowing, we are still maneuvering around a physical plane that is defined by the laws of human nature.

And so it is with the aspect of time, in particular, that we often experience the concept of patience.  Waiting for the real-time experience of your heart’s desire can be a bitch.

You have held the vision. You have done the work.

The relationship you know is on its way into your experience, the promotion that you are eligible for, the writing project that you completed and are awaiting acceptance, or even the future resolution to a problem are all feasible examples of the pending creations that you can just feel are around the corner.  Your expectations are clear.  You have elevated your vibrational signal of attraction by acting as if these things you are waiting for are already here.  You trust in divine source.

But some days you just can’t help yourself.  You take a look around.  You notice that the things you want have not occurred yet, and suddenly you cannot help but pose the obvious question.

“So where are these things and when will they show up?!?”

And there it is.  That pesky notion of patience.  Asking the question ‘where is it already?’ has activated the denser vibration of doubt, causing you to tighten your grip on the present reality in which that thing you desire is not yet a part of.  Once focus turns toward the absence of our desire, manifestation is held behind the veil.

Frustrating, isn’t it?

I would remind you to relax, and take a deep breath (or 500 of them), but no one wants to hear that when they are busy working in the energy of relative time.

Perhaps you might consider embracing the energy of pure acceptance.  Reach for the vibration of appreciation for physical time itself.  Know that it is all part of your glorious human experience to live on a planet that ‘runs’ on time, which is just one of the many physical wonders of our unique existence.

Surely one can acknowledge that time does, indeed, serve a useful purpose.   For those of us who ‘live’ in it 24 hours a day, time enables us to enjoy our vacations, schedule our activities, grasp new concepts, and has been known to provide the ability to heal our wounds, both physical and emotional.

If you can (just for a minute), appreciate the essence of time itself, you may discover that you have loosened that impatient grip on current reality just long enough to allow the reality you desire to come into your experience.

And then you will say, “Ahhhh….there you are!  I knew you were there THE WHOLE TIME!!!!”

Don’t Tell Me What You Think

dreamstimefree_4443126If I were to explore all the debilitating effects that an overdeveloped concern with ‘what other people think’ has on a person, I could write a book.

I’d rather not focus on the negative aspects that an obsession with outward perception can have on the ability to direct one’s own life.  But if there is a desire to improve your self-confidence, it is beneficial to first recognize certain language and behavior that may inhibit a belief that you are a capable and sovereign being, no matter what anyone else thinks.  If you can identify the unhealthy habits that suppress absolute trust in yourself, then it becomes easier to discover what may promote it.

There’s a big difference between taking into consideration the welfare and feelings of others before you proceed with any self-directed action versus taking into consideration the ‘opinions’ of others that your action may incite. Of course you should give serious thought to the possibility that any of your personal decisions and subsequent actions could have on others (including yourself) if they would cause harm or danger.  But where does awareness and concern for others morph into caring too much what other people think?  It seems crystal clear to me now, but there wasn’t an absolute distinction when I was growing up.

How often can you recall hearing the words, “what will people think?” at some point or another throughout your experience?  Many of us are familiar with the implication that there may be more concern with what the neighbors might say than concern for a family member’s feelings; as if how we appear to others might somehow be more important than addressing circumstances that may be causing uncomfortable issues within the home.

If you’ve been given life-long cues that exemplify this all-too-common philosophy, you may eventually adopt habitual behaviors to reflect the perception that you are constantly being assessed by others.  Once you begin basing your moves on the idea that you are being observed and judged by the rest of the world, you gradually relinquish your power to act alone.  You can feel as if you have no control over your own life or any of the circumstances you are experiencing.

It’s one thing to bounce an idea off a few trusted friends or to consult expert sources for advice.  When you find yourself habitually relying on the experience and opinions of others before determining what your own instincts are telling you first, or you tend to question your own decisions and always look to others for confirmation, you may have simply overloaded your intake valve with the thoughts of others.

“I don’t care what other people think”  is rendered ineffective in unclogging your direct line to your inner and Knowing Self.  Most likely this is because it doesn’t feel true.  It never worked for me because it sounded too damn arrogant.  It  FELT unbelievable, too.  Of course I care what other people think.

I’d like to share with you an affirmation that does work for me.  An affirmation is nothing more than a weaving of your own personal spell that when stated repeatedly can become your truth.  So the next time you feel yourself getting drawn away from your own instincts and feel overwhelmed with the thoughts of others, tell yourself this: “what people think of me is none of my business.”

More to come…

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